Life’s A Huge Pressure Cooker

You Thought About What?

Suicide. Have you ever thought about it? I have. Once. I got over it in about five minutes, but it definitely crossed my mind. Life itself will beat you up, then, to have anything traumatic hit, and you just may find yourself looking down the barrel of your own gun, with your finger on the trigger. I was driving when the thought crossed my mind. How easy, I thought, it would be to just drive head-on into one of those tractor trailers coming towards me in the other lane. Wow! That was a little scary. But, I know I’ve got a LOT to live for. My kids, my mom, my friends, MY-SELF. A coworker’s stepson took his own life about a year ago. I think he was 18 or so, young. The coworker and his wife had no clue. They didn’t even see it coming. It blew them away! Luckily for me, I took that story home with me, and was talking to my daughter on the phone. I mentioned it to her. She told me that she has thought about it before. It? What it? Suicide, she said. If I had been standing, I probably would have fallen to the ground, from utter disbelief. But, my mind raced. And I thought quickly. What would make her want to do that, I asked? She told me, and then I thought of anything I could to try to deter her from EVER thinking like that again. I said, ‘you have a roof over your head, you have a job, you aren’t pregnant ( whew! ), you have a family who loves you, you are not living on the streets, and your problems would be solved, you think, but ours would just be beginning. I don’t think insurance companies pay for suicides ( I’d heard that somewhere-whether it was true or not I didn’t care, as long as she believed it ), so we’d have to figure out how we would bury her, it’s a sin to commit suicide ( thank God we had her going to church ), and we’d be blaming ourselves for it’. I said all of this, and maybe more, I can’t remember. But, it worked. My wife later gave me the blues for saying about the insurance not paying, but she didn’t make me feel bad for saying it, cause if I had to do it over, I would have said the same thing. I told the coworker about it when I got back to work, and that’s what he said to me. Say anything, everything, to deter them from going through with it. He wishes he could have done the same for his stepson. I wish he could have, too. I now check up on my daughter a LOT more than I used to, and she checks up on me, too. That’s my baby. That’s what I’m supposed to do. I’m daddy and I love my baby. But, that’s just my thoughts, though. What’s yours?

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