50 Funny And Famous Atheist Quotes

Famous, Funny & Factual Atheist Quotes

After reading several rather funny atheist quotes today I decided that I would put a collection of them together for others to share too. These quotes come from all around the world by some of the most famous people ever, so sit back, grab a coffee and enjoy this collection of famous and funny atheist quotes and questions.

For me being an atheist developed over time, as a young child I grew up in a home where religion wasn’t really part of day to day life – it was just accepted that God was out there somewhere. Looking back I often laugh at my Mum when I think back to when I asked her why we gave chocolate eggs to each other at Easter – she had no idea and really couldn’t answer any of my questions regarding religion. It turns out that my family just went with ‘tradition’ and had never really given much thought to the meanings behind it all.

As time went on I found it harder and harder to get the answers that I was looking for. I went so far as to ask the local vicar who came into my school why he believed in God, the debate that followed was probably one of the worst experiences for him. Knowing that I was shocking him with my blatent lack of belief I asked where the proof was that anything he believed was real but all I got back was ‘it is Gods way’ or ‘the Lord works in mysterious ways’. This was just a cop out for me and my journey as an atheist began.

My Top Ten Atheist Quotes From Around The World

Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room
for a black cat that isn’t there and finding it!
– Oscar Wilde
George Bush says he speaks to god every day, and
Christians love him for it. If George Bush said he spoke to god through
his hair dryer, they would think he was mad. I fail to see how the
addition of a hair dryer makes it any more absurd.
– Unknown
It’s 90 degrees in the shade in Jerusalem. Where did
Noah get two penguins and two polar bears from?
– Unknown
There must be Religion. Otherwise the poor would
murder the rich.
– Napoleon Bonaparte
Having a Christian threaten me with hell is like
having a hippy threaten to punch me in my aura…
– Unknown
If money is the root of all evil, why does the
church need so much money?
– Unknown
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth
becomes a revolutionary act.
– George Orwell
Phew I’m glad we came to our senses and worship a
2.000 year old carpenter
– Bart Simpson
I’ve found that most people that want to share their
religious beliefs with you very rarely want you to share yours with
– Unknown
I often get letters, quite frequently, from people
who say how they like the programs a lot, but I never give credit to the
almighty power that created nature, to which I reply and say, "Well,
it’s funny that the people, when they say that this is of the almighty,
always quote beautiful things, they always quote orchids and
hummingbirds and butterflies and roses." But I always have to think too
of a little boy sitting on the banks of a river in west Africa who has a
worm boring through his eyeball, turning him blind before he’s five
years old, and I reply and say, "Well presumably the god you speak about
created the worm as well," and now, I find that baffling to credit a
merciful god with that action, and therefore it seems to me safer to
show things that I know to be truth, truthful and factual, and allow
people to make up their own minds about the moralities of this thing, or
indeed the theology of this thing.
– David Attenborough

Bonus #1: Collection Of Funny Atheist Pictures

Ten More Funny Atheist Quotes

If God created us in his image and he was the
ultimate image of goodness, why is it that so many of us lie, cheat and
– Unknown
I believe in God, only I spell it Nature.
– Frank Lloyd Wright
We are all atheists about most of the gods that
societies have ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further.
– Richard Dawkins
If God gave us the ability to reason, why would he
punish us for it?
– Unknown
Before you pray for that second coming, you should
at least prove the first one.
– Baron von Knifty
Religion’s greatest enemy has always been common
– Travis K
Gee, there are so many gods. What happens if we
believe in the wrong one? Every time we go to church we just make the
real one madder and madder.
– Homer Simpson
What if you met an adult who still believed in Santa
Clause based on faith. Would you consider this person admirable for
having such strong faith, such strong belief without evidence? Or would
you consider him a fool for believing in something so preposterous
without any evidence?
– Wayne Atkins
It ain’t those parts of the Bible that I can’t
understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
– Mark Twain
I like how scientific explanations with plausible
evidence is ridiculous but a mythical being magically poofing the world
into existence makes perfect sense (to you). Brain washing is still
– Unknown

Books On Atheism That Help You With Your Journey

The God DelusionThe God DelusionRead More

Atheism 101: Answers, Explanations and Rebuttals Atheism 101: Answers, Explanations and Rebuttals Read More

Atheism For Dummies (For Dummies (Religion & Spirituality))Atheism For Dummies (For Dummies (Religion & Spirituality))Read More

Bonus # 2: More Images On Atheism To Giggle At

Yet Another Top 10 Atheist Questions, Facts And Quotes

It’s an incredible con job when you think about it,
to believe something now in exchange for something after death. Even
corporations with their reward systems don’t try to make it posthumous.
– Gloria Steinem
No one was ever stoned to death in the name of
– Unknown
People cited violation of the First Amendment when a
New Jersey schoolteacher asserted that evolution and the Big Bang are
not scientific and that Noah’s ark carried dinosaurs. This case is not
about the need to separate church and state; it’s about the need to
separate ignorant, scientifically illiterate people from the ranks of
– Neil deGrasse Tyson
I condemn false prophets; I condemn the effort to
take away the power of rational decision, to drain people of their free
will–and a hell of a lot of money in the bargain. Religions vary in
their degree of idiocy, but I reject them all. For most people, religion
is nothing more than a substitute for a malfunctioning brain.
– Gene Roddenberry
I am convinced that children should not be subjected
to the frightfulness of the Christian Religion. If the concept of a
father who plots to have his own son put to death is presented to
children as beautiful and worthy of societies admiration, what types of
human behaviour can be presented to them as reprehensible?
– Ruth Hermence Green
I like to point out how irrational it is to have any
reverence for religion at all. We look at the ancient Greeks with their
gods on a mountaintop throwing lightning bolts and say, ‘Those ancient
Greeks. They were so silly. So primitive and naive. Not like our
religions. We have burning bushes talking to people and guys walking on
water. We’re%u2026 sophisticated.
– Paul Provenza
The existence of god is not subjective. He either
exists, or he doesn’t, it’s not a matter of opinion. You can have your
own opinions, but you cannot have your own facts.
– Ricky Gervais
Doesn’t it get on my nerves when people say science
doesn’t know everything? Science knows it doesn’t know everything
otherwise it would stop. Just because it doesn’t know everything doesn’t
mean you can fill in the gaps with whatever fairy-tale appeals to you.
– Dara O’Briain
If god were real, certainly he’d have better
– Lindsey Brown
I acknowledge that politeness and open-mindedness
are virtues, but seriously, folks; how can any rational individual keep
a straight face when confronted with a fully-grown adult who proudly
declares belief in preposterous superstitious nonsense?
– Anonymous

Even More Quotes, Questions And Thoughts

The human race is just a chemical scum on a
moderate-sized planet, orbiting around a very average star in the outer
suburb of one among a hundred billion galaxies. We are so insignificant
that I can’t believe the whole universe exists for our benefit. That
would be like saying that you would disappear if I closed my eyes.
– Stephen Hawking
All thinking men are atheist!
– Ernest Hemingway
The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is
that vampires are allergic to bullshit.
– Richard Pryor
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a
man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he
will die praying for a fish.
– Unknown
Pray to God, fine; but keep rowing to shore.
– Russian Proverb
Prayer has no place in the public schools, just like
facts have no place in organized religion.
– The Simpsons
The beauty of religious mania is that it has the
power to explain everything. Once God (or Satan) is accepted as the
first cause of everything which happens in the mortal world, nothing is
left to chance…logic can be happily tossed out the window.
– Stephen King
Religion is a crutch for the weak minded.
– Jesse Ventura
Scientology, how about that? You hold on to the tin
cans and then this guy asks you a bunch of questions, and if you pay
enough money you get to join the master race. How’s that for a religion?
– Frank Zappa
Q: Prove God doesn’t exist.
A: That’s a tough one. Show me how it’s done by proving Zeus and Apollo
don’t exist, and I’ll use your method.
– Pat Condell

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