Famous, Funny & Factual Atheist Quotes

After reading several rather funny atheist quotes today I decided that I would put a collection of them together for others to share too. These quotes come from all around the world by some of the most famous people ever, so sit back, grab a coffee and enjoy this collection of famous and funny atheist quotes and questions.

For me being an atheist developed over time, as a young child I grew up in a home where religion wasn’t really part of day to day life – it was just accepted that God was out there somewhere. Looking back I often laugh at my Mum when I think back to when I asked her why we gave chocolate eggs to each other at Easter – she had no idea and really couldn’t answer any of my questions regarding religion. It turns out that my family just went with ‘tradition’ and had never really given much thought to the meanings behind it all.

As time went on I found it harder and harder to get the answers that I was looking for. I went so far as to ask the local vicar who came into my school why he believed in God, the debate that followed was probably one of the worst experiences for him. Knowing that I was shocking him with my blatent lack of belief I asked where the proof was that anything he believed was real but all I got back was ‘it is Gods way’ or ‘the Lord works in mysterious ways’. This was just a cop out for me and my journey as an atheist began.

My Top Ten Atheist Quotes From Around The World

	Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn’t there and finding it! – Oscar Wilde
	George Bush says he speaks to god every day, and Christians love him for it. If George Bush said he spoke to god through his hair dryer, they would think he was mad. I fail to see how the addition of a hair dryer makes it any more absurd. – Unknown
	It’s 90 degrees in the shade in Jerusalem. Where did Noah get two penguins and two polar bears from? – Unknown
	There must be Religion. Otherwise the poor would murder the rich. – Napoleon Bonaparte
	Having a Christian threaten me with hell is like having a hippy threaten to punch me in my aura… – Unknown
	If money is the root of all evil, why does the church need so much money? – Unknown
	In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act. – George Orwell
	Phew I’m glad we came to our senses and worship a 2.000 year old carpenter – Bart Simpson
	I’ve found that most people that want to share their religious beliefs with you very rarely want you to share yours with them. – Unknown
	I often get letters, quite frequently, from people who say how they like the programs a lot, but I never give credit to the almighty power that created nature, to which I reply and say, "Well, it’s funny that the people, when they say that this is of the almighty, always quote beautiful things, they always quote orchids and hummingbirds and butterflies and roses." But I always have to think too of a little boy sitting on the banks of a river in west Africa who has a worm boring through his eyeball, turning him blind before he’s five years old, and I reply and say, "Well presumably the god you speak about created the worm as well," and now, I find that baffling to credit a merciful god with that action, and therefore it seems to me safer to show things that I know to be truth, truthful and factual, and allow people to make up their own minds about the moralities of this thing, or indeed the theology of this thing. – David Attenborough

Bonus #1: Collection Of Funny Atheist Pictures

Ten More Funny Atheist Quotes

	If God created us in his image and he was the ultimate image of goodness, why is it that so many of us lie, cheat and steal? – Unknown
	I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. – Frank Lloyd Wright
	We are all atheists about most of the gods that societies have ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further. – Richard Dawkins
	If God gave us the ability to reason, why would he punish us for it? – Unknown
	Before you pray for that second coming, you should at least prove the first one. – Baron von Knifty
	Religion’s greatest enemy has always been common sense. – Travis K
	Gee, there are so many gods. What happens if we believe in the wrong one? Every time we go to church we just make the real one madder and madder. – Homer Simpson
	What if you met an adult who still believed in Santa Clause based on faith. Would you consider this person admirable for having such strong faith, such strong belief without evidence? Or would you consider him a fool for believing in something so preposterous without any evidence? – Wayne Atkins
	It ain’t those parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. – Mark Twain
	I like how scientific explanations with plausible evidence is ridiculous but a mythical being magically poofing the world into existence makes perfect sense (to you). Brain washing is still effective! – Unknown

Books On Atheism That Help You With Your Journey

The God DelusionRead More

Atheism 101: Answers, Explanations and Rebuttals Read More

Atheism For Dummies (For Dummies (Religion & Spirituality))Read More

Bonus # 2: More Images On Atheism To Giggle At

Yet Another Top 10 Atheist Questions, Facts And Quotes

	It’s an incredible con job when you think about it, to believe something now in exchange for something after death. Even corporations with their reward systems don’t try to make it posthumous. – Gloria Steinem
	No one was ever stoned to death in the name of ‘atheism’! – Unknown
	People cited violation of the First Amendment when a New Jersey schoolteacher asserted that evolution and the Big Bang are not scientific and that Noah’s ark carried dinosaurs. This case is not about the need to separate church and state; it’s about the need to separate ignorant, scientifically illiterate people from the ranks of teachers. – Neil deGrasse Tyson
	I condemn false prophets; I condemn the effort to take away the power of rational decision, to drain people of their free will–and a hell of a lot of money in the bargain. Religions vary in their degree of idiocy, but I reject them all. For most people, religion is nothing more than a substitute for a malfunctioning brain. – Gene Roddenberry
	I am convinced that children should not be subjected to the frightfulness of the Christian Religion. If the concept of a father who plots to have his own son put to death is presented to children as beautiful and worthy of societies admiration, what types of human behaviour can be presented to them as reprehensible? – Ruth Hermence Green
	I like to point out how irrational it is to have any reverence for religion at all. We look at the ancient Greeks with their gods on a mountaintop throwing lightning bolts and say, ‘Those ancient Greeks. They were so silly. So primitive and naive. Not like our religions. We have burning bushes talking to people and guys walking on water. We’re%u2026 sophisticated. – Paul Provenza
	The existence of god is not subjective. He either exists, or he doesn’t, it’s not a matter of opinion. You can have your own opinions, but you cannot have your own facts. – Ricky Gervais
	Doesn’t it get on my nerves when people say science doesn’t know everything? Science knows it doesn’t know everything otherwise it would stop. Just because it doesn’t know everything doesn’t mean you can fill in the gaps with whatever fairy-tale appeals to you. – Dara O’Briain
	If god were real, certainly he’d have better representation. – Lindsey Brown
	I acknowledge that politeness and open-mindedness are virtues, but seriously, folks; how can any rational individual keep a straight face when confronted with a fully-grown adult who proudly declares belief in preposterous superstitious nonsense? – Anonymous

Even More Quotes, Questions And Thoughts

	The human race is just a chemical scum on a moderate-sized planet, orbiting around a very average star in the outer suburb of one among a hundred billion galaxies. We are so insignificant that I can’t believe the whole universe exists for our benefit. That would be like saying that you would disappear if I closed my eyes. – Stephen Hawking
	All thinking men are atheist! – Ernest Hemingway
	The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit. – Richard Pryor
	Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish. – Unknown
	Pray to God, fine; but keep rowing to shore. – Russian Proverb
	Prayer has no place in the public schools, just like facts have no place in organized religion. – The Simpsons
	The beauty of religious mania is that it has the power to explain everything. Once God (or Satan) is accepted as the first cause of everything which happens in the mortal world, nothing is left to chance…logic can be happily tossed out the window. – Stephen King
	Religion is a crutch for the weak minded. – Jesse Ventura
	Scientology, how about that? You hold on to the tin cans and then this guy asks you a bunch of questions, and if you pay enough money you get to join the master race. How’s that for a religion? – Frank Zappa
	Q: Prove God doesn’t exist. A: That’s a tough one. Show me how it’s done by proving Zeus and Apollo don’t exist, and I’ll use your method. – Pat Condell