Dam, Dam, Dam!

This is about how we as humans allow things to linger on. As we procrastinate things build up, like water held at a dam. Then the pressure is too much to be held back by the dam. BOOM, it breaks and it all comes tumbling down……

Some people may look at me and think that I handle stress very well. Others may say that I’m a hot head that needs to learn how to control my temper. Well they are both right; I would simply call myself a ticking time bomb! About thirty four years ago, a monster was born. Not a scary monster, but a monster none the less. When I was born, I assume that I was happy like all others at birth. Well somewhere down that road called life, I evolved into a grown monster. I’ve had many experiences that have shaped me into who and what I am today. Some were good, others bad. In the end they are who I am; the good me, bad me, worst and ugly. I can reveal these things and not be ashamed, because the truth will in deed set you free. I know that there is some good, bad, worse and ugly in all of us; how we channel this mixture is what counts.

As humans we encounter different things on a daily basis. Some things are just for that moment, while others are for a season and still others that linger on. I feel like the things that I’ve experienced are like a dam. Every situation is a container of water; some only a few sips, some ounces, others as much as a gallon or even more. When we continuously pour or allow others (things) to be poured into our reservoir, it gets full and will eventually overflow and even break. I’ m at a point in my life where I have amassed a mountain of bullshit that needs to be filtered out of my reservoir before my dam breaks and BOOM all hell will be freed! Now what you ask?

Do I go find all the people in the world who have pissed me off and get even :)? Do I go on a destructive path destroying everything in my way? Do I ball up in corner and cry? Do I just lie down and succumb to the flood? Do I ignore it and hope that it goes away? Or do I stand up, tall strong and charge at it head on?

I know it’s easier to give up and its fun to seek revenge, but where will that lead me? It will only take me to a temporary happy state or a worse state. I would rather stand up and charge at it head on. So how in the world did I let this DAM thing get so built up?

I have allowed stress to consume me by not dealing with things on a daily basis or in a timely manner. From bad experiences as a child to bad relationships in adulthood, I have been used and abused both mentally and physically. I have been betrayed and let down too many times to count. I’ve been talked about, lied on, cheated on stolen from and accused of some awful things. I’ve had close relationships ruined because of lies. I have been in a struggle with depression since a teenager. I have done some things that I’m ashamed of. I have been running from myself all my life. I have allowed all these buckets of water pile up in my reservoir, which became overflown. Now my Dam is busting at its seam. If I don’t start dumping some of this water into the sea of forgiveness, my dam will break. So here is my plan.

First of all I forgive ME for all of my mistakes. I know what I did was wrong. I admit that I could have made better choices. I will not do those things again (I know and God knows what I’m talking about). Second, I forgive my past and all that were a part of it for all of the mistakes that were made. I forgive hurt and pain. I forgive abuse and neglect. I forgive mistrust and deceit. I forgive anger, frustration and betrayal. I forgive fear, hopelessness and depression. I forgive anxiety, binging and purging. I forgive insomnia and dark places. I forgive cowardice and procrastination. I forgive impatience and struggle. I forgive all the negative forces that have encumbered my life. I release them into the sea of forgiveness. I will no longer acknowledge them; give them room in my life or world. They are no longer welcome in my mind, heart or presence. Now, from this moment on I embrace the Goodness and Mercies of God. I embrace peace, love, happiness, hope, strength, faith, relief, forgiveness, patience, understanding, courage and success. I am standing and fighting; I will not be defeated! I will never give up. I will always take my bucket and clean out my reservoir in a timely manner. I will only hold what’s needed to sustain me. I will not allow one drop, ounce, or gallon to cause an overflow. From this moment on, I am a strong force. I may bend, but I will not break. I may cry but I will not die.

Now when you feel like your dam is not strong enough to hold back the flood, remember to get your bucket and start scooping. Get that bullshit out ASAP! On a daily basis we must de-clutter our minds and hearts. We must filter the bullshit out of our lives. If we have family and friends that are constantly overwhelming us with their bullshit, make them bring their own bucket to the pity party. Tell them to take that bullshit back where it came from. If they forget there bucket, always keep a spare around. If they get mad at you for not letting them leave their bullshit with you, then scoop them up into the bucket along with the rest of the bullshit. After all sometimes it’s others drama, problems, chaos and concerns that stress us the most.

Last but not least, remember to stay positive. Even in the midst of a storm, stay calm and focus. Nothing is permanent, not every situation is your problem and never be too proud to get help. After all we are all trying to keep that Dam from breaking. So keep your head up and never give up.